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Worst of the Week

Family Guy on Fox

by Christopher Gildemeister

Release Date: 1/31/2013

The Oscar Awards are less than a month away (they will air February 24th on ABC), but already the show’s host, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, has managed to offend people. In an attempt to introduce himself to older viewers unfamiliar with his sophomoric animated shows, MacFarlane announced the nominees with actress Emma Stone at a press event on January 10th. It did not go well. His shaky performance and “faux-edgy” shtick prompted to ponder, “Is Seth MacFarlane Already a Terrible Oscar Host?” According to the article, “In the less than 10 minutes it took to announce the nominees , MacFarlane managed to insult his co-presenter, belittle the achievements of several nominees, and make a Hitler joke…That doesn’t make MacFarlane edgy, it just makes him juvenile.” Of course, anyone who has ever watched his shows shouldn’t be surprised by this. His entire brand is built on crass, puerile, sexist, bigoted, homophobic, gross-out humor. Smart, sophisticated, high-brow comedy is not in this man’s repertoire. The January 27th broadcast of Family Guy (Sundays, 9:00 p.m. ET), was a perfect example of why MacFarlane’s Oscar gig could potentially be a complete train wreck. The episode exemplifies the lewd, disgusting, crude, and perverted jokes that certainly won’t win over Oscar viewers, but have definitely earned MacFarlane another Worst TV Show of the Week title.

In this episode, Quagmire has married a worn-out older prostitute named Charmese during a drunken bender. She adamantly wants to remain married and since a divorce will be costly, Quagmire resigns himself to a life of marital discontent.

Quagmire: “I guess I'm just gonna have to suck it up.”

Peter: “Let her suck it up. She's the expert.”

During dinner with the Griffin’s, the conversation revolves around Charmese’s profession.

Meg: “Do you charge black guys more or less?”

Charmese: “That's a hard question to answer. Most of them get a group rate.”

Quagmire: “C'mon, let's not talk about work. It's a dinner party.”

Lois: “Are you and Glen thinking about children?”

Charmese: “Unfortunately, I can't have children.”

Lois: “Oh, menopause?”

Charmese: “No, I got knifed in the vagina one Christmas.”

Brian: “Ah, the holidays are always stressful.”

Chris: “I have $3.74, do something to me.”

She spits on his face.

Chris: “I love you. I want to take away from all of this.”

Eventually, Quagmire cooks up the scheme to pretend that he’s gay in order prompt Charmese to agree to a divorce. His plan goes awry, however, when she demands that he prove it by having sex with a man while she watches. Peter, always the loyal idiot friend, agrees to volunteer.

Quagmire and Peter meet in his bedroom as Charmese sits nearby.

Quagmire: “Are you sure you wanna watch this? I'm just warning you, you're in the splash zone.”

Peter: “Ah, if I get anything out, I'll be happy.”

Charmese: “Get on with it.”

Quagmire: “Okay. Here, let me stroke your hair.”

Peter: “Thank you, I want to do gay things for you.”

Quagmire: “I crave your groin.”

Peter: “Yes, and I cannot wait to intertwine our bodies and make each other's fingers smell terrible.”

Charmese: “Enough! Kiss each other.”

Peter and Quagmire kiss, trading vomit from each other's mouths. then start taking each other's clothes off.

Peter: (sobbing) “Oh, God, I'm so excited for gay sex.”

Quagmire: (sobbing) “Me, too. Your body makes me so horny.”

Charmese: “Shut up and do it.”

Peter turns his back to Quagmire.

Quagmire: “It's very close, Peter. The paint brush is about to touch the canvas.”

Peter: “C'mon, Peter. Sir Ian McKellen does this. You can do this.”

Charmese stops them and eventually agrees to a divorce.

The producers of the Oscar awards have apparently decided that attracting younger viewers is worth potentially offending the rest of the audience. In less than a month’s time, we’ll see if their gamble pays off. But if this Family Guy, Worst TV Show of the Week is any indication, the Oscars could lose much more than the audience share. Its respectability is on the line as well.


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