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Worst of the Week

Family Guy on Fox

by Christopher Gildemeister

Release Date: 4/18/2013

Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane (and his fellow writers on the show) have never been known for good taste; but viewing the most recent episode is like taking a trip into the minds of unbelievably twisted and sick individuals. The program essentially alternated between promoting sexualization, exploitation, and degradation of women, incest, and bigotry, and trashing beloved American icons – which explains why the Sunday, April 14th episode of Fox’s Family Guy (9:00 p.m. ET/PT) deserves recognition for being the Worst TV Show of the Week.

The episode opens with anti-Catholic bigotry – a scene depicting a new pope talking on the phone, cancelling subscriptions to Newsweek and National Geographic -- but saying “we’ll hang onto Boy’s Life,” thus implying the head of the Catholic Church approves of pedophilia, and is even a child molester himself.

But the program’s parade of perversion has just begun. Within the space of a few minutes, viewers get to experience a young woman called a “dog,” a remark about “a biopsy of Celine Dion’s uterus,” a man shot in the chest with bloodstains bursting out, and a joke about anorexia.

And then the show becomes REALLY tasteless. Discussing Canada, pervert Quagmire states, “I'd so far as to say a Canadian strip club is the most magical place in the world.” The scene cuts to a disgusting “parody” of the beloved classic film The Wizard of Oz:

Dozens of scantily-clad strippers dance on tables and twirl on poles as Quagmire – clad in a green tuxedo and top hat -- drives a stripper-drawn carriage with Joe and Peter as passengers. The three of them sing:

Quagmire: “Nip, nip here. Nip, nip there. And a bevy of porno stars. There's jugs and mugs of Molson beer in Canadian nudie bars.”

Strippers hand them beer mugs, then remove their tops and drop them to the floor.

Quagmire: “Dirty ho's put on shows, and a lot of them don't have scars. They'll even take it up the nose at Canadian nudie bars.”

A stripper is shown with a bottle of glue crammed up her nostril.

“ You can touch and squeeze them, they don't even care.”

Quarmire squeezes what at first appear to be breasts, but when the camera zooms out, the breasts are flesh-toned balloons being blown-up by strippers.

Peter: “Would they even dye their pubes to match my hair?”

Quagmire: “Uh-huh.”

Peter: “Color me there.”

Quagmire: “Do like me. Say, ‘Oui-oui.’ And tell 'em you're a friend of Bill Maher's.”

Bill: “That's how you'll get to watch them pee in Canadian nudie bars.”

A stripper sits on a toilet in silhouette.

Quagmire: “A guy can get his hockey pucked in Canadian nudie bars.”

He fires a slap-shot at a stripper sitting spread-eagle on the floor. A goal-light atop her head flashes, presumably when the puck enters her vagina. The stripper spins and winks at the camera.

Then it’s back to bigotry. Quagmire flies Peter and Joe to Montreal in his private jet. In the plane’s restroom, Peter sees, “They’ve even got a special map that lets you choose who you want to dump your poop on.” Listed are “church,” “school,” “synagogue,” and “government building.” “Jeez, the ‘synagogue’ button’s almost worn out,” he notes.

The plane crashes in the wilderness. After time out to trash another American icon (young Davy Crockett: “Ah killed mah pet raccoon so’s Ah could have this cool hat. An’ ‘cuz it felt lahk heaven when Ah wuz doin’ it.”), it’s time for another child molestation joke:

Peter: “I’m not a forest guy. I’m more of a take-it-all-in-at-the-beach guy.”

Peter stands on a pier and stares off into the distance. A man approaches him from behind.

Man: “Excuse me, sir. This is private property. What are you doing?”

Peter: “Just taking it all in.”

Man: “You're staring at my daughter's bedroom.

The girl’s bedroom window is shown. The daughter is standing by the window undressing. She strips down to her bra, turns her back to the window and removes it.

Peter: “She's really grown into her body. This is gonna be a fun summer for her.”

Trying to go for help, Peter gets lost in the forest. Two months later, forest rangers find a doll he made.

Meg: “That's so weird. Dad gets lost in the woods and he makes a doll?”

Stewie: “Eh, it's not that strange. It's kinda was Tom Hanks did in Castaway.”

Cut to: Tom Hanks draws a face onto a volleyball. He then uses a knife to cut out a hole at the mouth.

Tom: “I'm sorry Wilson.”

He cries and lowers the ball out of frame, using it to perform fellatio on himself.

The Griffins find Peter, who has turned into an unintelligible feral creature.

Chris: “I can't live by society's rules either.”

Chris grabs his mother and incestuously kisses her on the lips, implying incest.

Back home, the family discusses their plight.

Meg: “I still don’t get it. How could Dad turn into some kind of feral creature just from two months in the wilderness?”

Brian: “Well, he was living among wild animals for two months, and you know how impressionable your dad can be.”

Cut to: Peter reads a book titled The Life of JFK. He puts the book down. Suddenly, half of his head explodes, as though it has been shot away. Blood sprays everywhere. Apparently, the assassination of a beloved president is something else Seth MacFarlane’s finds “humorous.”

The episode ends with Peter, Quagmire, and Joe in another strip club, where Charlotte Rae (Mrs. Garrett from The Facts of Life) performs a striptease, wearing skimpy lingerie. She bends in front of a stripper pole and gyrates her rear, squatting low to the ground.

It is, of course, easy to blame Seth MacFarlane for this content; and he does bear the greatest share of responsibility. But Fox chooses to air the program at 8:00 p.m. Central/Mountain, and to rate it as acceptable for 14 year old children (all while knowing full well many younger viewers will tune in). And the entertainment industry as a whole has created a culture where spewing the most blatant sexual dialogue and joking about murder, incest, and child molestation – all while blasting it into every home in America, over the airwaves the American people themselves own -- is perfectly acceptable.

Even apart from the utterly tasteless joke about the murder of an American president and the incessant degradation of women as strippers, “hos” and the like, one point in particular stands out: the use of the song from The Wizard of Oz.

Warner Brothers currently owns the rights to the classic 1939 film, and has been vigorous – some might even say, extremist – in their defense of their property. During Disney’s filming of the recent movie OZ the Great and Powerful, in fact, the studio was forced to come to terms with Warner’s over the most trivial minutiae. So nitpicking was Warner’s that such items as Dorothy’s ruby slippers and the fashions and hairstyles of the Munchkins could not be duplicated. Warner’s even argued over the precise shade of makeup used on the Wicked Witch’s face. Oscar-winning makeup artist Howard Berger worked overtime to come up with a shade of green which finally satisfied Warner’s requirement that it be different from that in the classic film. Yet, it was happy to allow Family Guy to pervert lyrics from songs written especially for The Wizard of Oz.

This says everything American media consumers need to know about today’s entertainment industry. The industry will happily spend tens of thousands of dollars on lawyers to “defend trademark and copyright” and haggle over precise hairstyles, props, and the exact shade of color used in makeup. But when it comes to allowing an innocent song from an iconic children’s fantasy movie to be turned into X-rated filth about strippers, urine, and pubic hair? No problem!

For desecrating beloved Americana – and corrupting millions of children while doing so – Fox’s Family Guy is the Worst TV Show of the Week.

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McDonalds – the same company that sells your children “Happy Meals” -- sponsored this program. To contact them with your concerns, click here.