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Worst of the Week

Family Guy on Fox

Release Date: 5/15/2014

It’s been said that parenting advice from friends or family should be taken with a grain of salt, but parenting advice from Peter or Lois Griffin should be taken with a shot of penicillin. On the May 11th episode of Fox’s Family Guy (8:30 p.m. ET) the Griffins parenting skills are called into question by Donna, Cleveland Brown’s wife. Not only does this episode best represent how the Griffins are the worst parents a child could ever have, but also that the Griffins are just terrible people through and through. Fox’s Family Guy promotes bad language, bullying, racism, child abuse, child molestation, and sexual deviancy, for all of these reasons Family Guy is officially the Worst TV Show of the Week.

In the opening scene, Peter and his friends sit in their usual booth at the Drunken Clam, drinking beer and talking about Joe’s unusually small foot. Suddenly, Cleveland Brown, from the unsuccessful spin-off The Cleveland Show, arrives and the insults start flying.

Quagmire: “Oh, my God. Where do I even begin? You know it’s not a good sign that this is the first time a lot of people are realizing you had a show.”

Joe: “Your logo was stupid. It looked like a big, purple penis and your ratings blew.”

Quagmire: “The talking bear was so bad, Seth MacFarlane quit voicing him after season 2.”

Joe: “What was supposed to be the show’s audience? Who did you make it for? Like, some black guy who’s never met another black guy?”

Later, Cleveland and his family are moving back into his old house on Spooner Street. The Griffins, Joe and Quagmire are all there to help.

Quagmire: “You know, Cleveland, it must be weird for you guys to move and not ‘cause of a hurricane.”

Stewie is not pleased to meet Rallo, Donna’s son.

Rallo: “’Sup, man?”

Stewie: “Yeah, yeah. ‘Sup.’ Keep walkin’, you Boondocks rip-off.”

Cleveland finds out that the house has been neglected and is in serious need of repairs.

Quagmire: “You’re right. Well we’ll all have to do our part. I’ll take little coco butter here.”

Quagmire puts his arm around Donna’s teenage daughter, Roberta, and they both leave together.

In a flashback, several little orphans sing a sad song about being unwanted. Peter throws a shoe at one of them and shouts, “Shut up, you bastards.”

Later, while Chris and Rollo are playing, Chris breaks a vase over Rallo's head.

Donna hears the crash and storms in to the room. She grabs Chris, lays him across her lap, pulls down his pants and underwear, and begins spanking him.

Chris: “Ow! It hurts! It hurts! I can't believe Japanese men pay good money for this.

A Japanese man appears next to them, wearing only a pair of underwear.

Japanese Man: “At work, I am important businessman. Here, I am bad boy.”

Chris runs home to tell his parents about being spanked by Mrs. Brown. He walks in the house with his pants around his ankles and his stomach is covering his privates.

In a flashback, Peter throws a shot put at a man in the bleachers. The shot put hits the man in the head and kills him with blood dripping down his face.

Lois goes over to the Browns house to talk to Donna. Donna tells Lois that she doesn’t know how to discipline her children. Lois defends herself, but is proven wrong when Donna points out that Stewie, Lois youngest child, is sitting on the roof of the house, unsupervised.

Lois: “Stewie, you get down from there this instant.”

Stewie: “Munch me, bitch.”

Lois: “Right now, Stewie, or you're in time out.”

Stewie: “How many gray pubes you pluck out today, you old gray bag.”

Donna accuses Lois of being a terrible parent and Lois accuses Donna of being a child abuser. They both agree that the two families should no longer be friends, including Peter and Cleveland.

Stewie: “Hey, Lois. Look. I'm smoking. You can't control dick. I'm a roof baby now.”

Later, at the Drunken Clam, Peter and Cleveland awkwardly run in to each other.

Joe: “What's going on? You guys touch pee-pees or something?”

Cleveland: “I wish.”

In order to keep their friendship hidden from their wives, Peter and Cleveland agree to secretly meet up where their wives would never suspect them. As Cleveland is driving in his car, Peter, posing as a cop, pulls over Cleveland and beats him brutally with a baton. Joe, also a cop, joins in on the beating, while yelling, “We don’t need you in this town.”

Back at Cleveland’s home, the sounds of someone being spanked and Cleveland screaming are heard. Cleveland shouts, “At least turn me over to my back side.”

Peter and Cleveland find a way to communicate through Morse code by using flashlights. Their conversation is subtitled. Eventually, Quagmire interrupts the conversation with his own flashlight.

Quagmire: (subtitled) “Hey, can you guys knock it off? I'm banging a chick with epilepsy and you're giving her a seizure. Actually, keep it up. Everything is seizing. It's great.”

Peter: (subtitled) “Who else but Quagmire?”

Later, Peter comes up with several crazy ideas to get Lois and Donna to be friends again. First he deliberately crashes his car with Cleveland and himself inside, so Lois and Donna can become friends while nursing them to health. When that doesn’t work, Peter decides to open an offensive art gallery in hopes that their wives would band together in protest.

Peter: “Well, women will always band together to stop an offensive art exhibit from coming to town, so I've arranged for all my photos of baby wieners to be put on display.”

Cleveland: “Oh, Peter, I'm gonna have to call the police on this.”

Peter: “What? Why? It's to get our wives back together.”

Cleveland: “Peter, these are hundreds of naked babies in suggestive situations. And their time stamped as far back as 1998, which is way before we had this idea!”

Peter: “I need help!”

Finally, Peter brings an injured bald eagle home so their wives could bond together while nursing it back to health.

Peter: “Somebody put cigarettes out all over him.”

Cleveland: “Peter, that’s a symbol of our country.”

Peter: “This particular eagle is a dick. Everything out of its mouth is a taunt.”

Cleveland: “Peter you're being ridiculous and you need to release that eagle out in the . . .”

The eagle squawks.

Cleveland: “What’d that eagle say?”

The eagle squawks again.

Cleveland lights a cigarette and says, “Lock the door.”

In the final scene, at Joe’s daughter’s birthday party, Quagmire performs as the magician, The Great Quagini.

Quagmire: “There's the birthday girl. What's that behind your ear? Oh, it's a condom.”

Joe: “Quagmire, please stop touching my baby with a condom.”

Quagmire: “And for my next trick, I'm gonna split my beautiful assistant in half. And not the way you think. (he holds up the condom) Won't be needing this.”

At the birthday party, Chris walks up to Donna and pulls down his pants. His stomach covers his privates.

Chris: “Mrs. Brown, I want you to spank me again.”

This episode was rated TV-14 for drug use, bad language, sexual content and excessive violence. Family Guy has been a constant source of rude and crude jokes aiming no higher than the lowest standard of comedy. Similar to the cartoons found on Fox’s Sunday night line-up, these shows are meant for mature adults and should be rated as such. A (TV-MA) rating and a later broadcast time would, at the very least deter young children from watching this animated side show. This episode contained scenes of excessive violence, racism, pedophilia, child abuse and promiscuous sex there is no doubt that Fox’s Family Guy is officially the Worst TV Show of the Week.

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