Archer finds Pam sobbing uncontrollably in the break room. He slaps her hard across the face.
Pam: “G**damn it, dude!”
Archer: “Well I’m sorry, but I’ve got other s*** to do today.”
This is why the January 29th episode of FX’s Archer is the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.
The show’s “humorous” misogyny was only beginning, however. Pam launches into a profanity-laced tirade about her sister Edie’s wedding.
Pam: “I should be maid of honor, dick nuts! But guess who she asks instead? Midge Olerud! Midge “Hey Edie, let’s me and you blow Pam’s boyfriend Arn behind the goddamn grain elevator” Olerud!”
Pam laments not having a date for the wedding.
Archer: “Screw it. I’ll go.”
In their motel in Wisconsin, Pam emerges from the bathroom in a dress.
Archer: “Pam, you look amazing. I mean, relatively.”
Pam: “S***ass! You gotta pace me. I’m sewn into this sumbitch. For every ounce that goes in, an ounce has gotta come out.”
Archer: “So – diuretics?”
Pam: “And laxatives. There’s a sundae bar!”
Meanwhile, Archer’s stalker Barry sits in a car nearby.
Barry: “Is it Barry? Does that mean Barry possibly literally froze his nuts off in the wheel well of a 747 so he could murder the s***-eating Archer?”
Archer opens the door and introduces himself to Edie.
Archer: “I’m Archer, Pam’s boyfriend.”
Edie: “Bulls*** my assh***. Pam, get yer fat ass out here!”
Pam and Edie have a knock-down, drag-out fight, which ends with Edie knocking out one of Pam’s teeth.
Archer: “Jesus Christ, woman!”
Pam: “G**damn it! Happy?”
Archer: “Less than I was, to be honest.”
Edie: “When? When you were chugging balls behind whatever gay strip joint she hired you at?”
Archer: “First of all, I’m not the one who ‘chugs balls’ behind buildings. And even if I were, they wouldn’t belong to that dude Arn.”
Edie bursts out laughing.
Edie: “Oh, God! You told him about Arn? Arn didn’t even know she was alive. Besides, what Arn’s balls taste like?”
Archer gets a phone call from Barry, announcing that he’s kidnapped Pam.
Archer: “G**ddamn son-of-a-cyborg bitch!”
Edie: “What, he give you anal warts?”
There’s more…but who needs to read it?
As we’ve noted previously, Archer is not all bad. The program does possess quality animation, an intelligent (if twisted) premise, and even the rare flash of wit (the discussion between Archer and Edie about the way grain elevators work actually bordered on genuine humor). But any positive qualities the show does possess are completely undercut by its non-stop crude sexual language and profanity.
As always, this episode of FX’s ultra-sexualized, ultra-sleazy rip-off of “homage” to James Bond movies was rated TV-MA LV — appropriate for mature audiences and including profanity and graphic violence. Yet the program airs on the basic tier, where every cable and satellite subscriber in America is forced to pay for it.
It is a pity that Archer’s creators weren’t satisfied with the genuinely creative touches in their show, and instead chose to indulge in the crassest, crudest tropes of adult animation…a decision which, more than once, has resulted in FX’s Archer being named the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.