For unbelievably vile sexual content and foul language the March 30th presentation of the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber (10:00 p.m.) is the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.
The “roast” is an old showbiz tradition, with actors, comedians, and others taking light-hearted jabs at a compatriot at a mock “tribute” dinner. But Comedy Central has taken what was once family-friendly humor and turned it into an appalling mass of foul language and vulgar sex and toilet jokes.
This time around, the victim was teen pop idol Justin Bieber (though the REAL victims of this dreck were the millions of cable and satellite subscribers forced to pay for it).
In the days of the classic Dean Martin program, roasts attracted top-name talent: Frank Sinatra, Bob Hope, Sammy Davis Jr, Jack Benny, George Burns, Don Rickles. By contrast, Comedy Central’s feeble effort must use has-been, wanna-be, or never-were “talent” like Kevin Hart, Hannibal Buress, Jeff Ross, Chris D’Elia, Natasha Leggero, and Pete Davison. (If you said “who?” to those names, you’re not alone.) Also on the roster were rappers like Ludacris and Snoop Dogg, which at least makes a little sense, as they are singers like Bieber; but the inclusion of totally random “celebrities” Shaquille O’Neal and Martha Stewart (!) is utterly baffling. Apparently, Comedy Central was so desperate to find “roasters” that they walked down Hollywood Boulevard and grabbed remotely famous people at random.
Kevin Hart kicked off this vile embarrassment, claiming they would be giving Bieber the ”ass whooping that he deserves.” “He has a d**k and a p**sy,” Hart began. “Justin, stand up. Pop that thing one time. Sounds to me like Scooter was fresh off a d**k-beating session.”
Guest Martha Stewart also came under attack from several presenters:
Kevin Hart: “Martha Stewart had her shirt off in my dressing room. Stop, stop, stop. Don’t get the wrong idea. She just wanted me to ti**y [bleeped f***] her!”
Jeff Ross: “Martha, I want to [bleeped f**k] you so bad. I bet your pubes are 50 shades of gray…We’ll all be trying to finger-bang Martha Stewart at the after party.”
Justin Bieber: “Martha thanks for coming. I know that’s probably something you don’t do anymore.”
But most of the show’s barbs were borderline obscene and racist rants:
Pete Davison: “[Bieber has] ‘patience’ tattooed on your neck, and ‘this doesn’t count’ right above his a**hole. No, no, no, but Justin’s [bleeped f**ked] more models than bulimia. He’s the only thing they swallow and don’t throw back up.”
Martha Stewart: “Besides his music career, Snoop now has produced a porn movie, and by the way, Natasha, you were great in that, so I guess this is the second time you’ve worked with five black guys. You know, I do a lot of gardening, but you are without a doubt the the dirtiest, used up ho I have ever seen.”
Jeff Ross: “That’s right, Selena Gomez used to bang this guy, proving once again that Mexicans will do the disgusting jobs Americans just won’t do.”
It is utterly incomprehensible why programs this vile even exist. They’re not funny, often inspiring more nausea and disgust than humorous laughter in the viewer. But given they do exist, it is the height of arrogance that the entertainment industry forces every cable and satellite subscriber to support such programming – ample reason for the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber to be named the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.
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